***Warning: This blog post is a terribly sad one. If it is something you cannot bear to read, you may stop at any time, I will not be offended. If you choose to go through the sadness with me and allow yourself to feel sad or cry, then I thank you.***
I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog that Toby and I lost a child in miscarriage 2 years ago. The baby passed away at 9 weeks and I delivered naturally at 10 weeks. This is something I grieved through at that time and God has brought lots of healing and hope (and even a little rainbow baby), but we will never forget our loss. It breaks my heart that many men and women are told to just ‘get over it’ and have been silenced on this subject.
When thinking back to this awful time, one thing I remember is that a lot of people liked to use terminology that removed the humanity from the situation. Was it so they didn’t have to think about the pain? Or perhaps they thought they were sparing me somehow? Maybe this isn’t something you’ve had to deal with, but it’s a big deal to parents who have lost a child.
The nurse practitioner who gave me the bad news kept referring to my “product of conception” instead of my baby. The doctor who saw me the next week assured me that it was better this way, because even though they couldn’t find any deformities or reasons why the pregnancy ended, my baby probably wouldn’t be like James who is healthy and ‘normal.’
I wanted to punch both of those people in the face, even though I know they were speaking out of good intentions. Though they meant well, they completely missed the mark! The little child in my uterus had a heartbeat, earlobes, a distinct mouth and nose. He/she was a real human being that I already loved. And I would’ve cherished that little baby’s life outside of the womb no matter what.
Yesterday I cried as I read this article called “Miscarriage is the loss of a ‘real’ child and requires compassion.”
There is one fundamental truth that needs to stay front and center: a miscarriage is the loss of a child who is just as real and has just as much value as any other child of any age. A woman who has a miscarriage is a parent who has lost a child, as is the father of the child as well…The life of that child matters, no matter how short it was. The death of that child matters, no matter how many may not cry. And the love I have for that child matters, even if nobody else knows.
Thank You, God for allowing me to carry a baby in my womb, even though I didn’t get to hold that baby. Thank You for loving and valuing that child. Help us not to take life for granted when we have all these reminders around us that life is short.